You see I've ALWAYS run on energy's, the world is mish mash of both Positive and Negative energy, I sense it. Much the way people view things in Colours, associate places with smells or tastes or textures well for me it is all about energy. I used to think that this was more to do with something I had no control over, if somewhere had a positive energy, I could apply positive energy to it, and if negative the same connotation. However what I have come to realise is that this is actual fact has NOTHING to do with the place already having this energy. It is me, I place Positives and Negatives on these places and by doing this fool myself into believing that these places are conducting their energy's, nowadays I am alot more aware of this and apply being positive to wherever I go and therefore bring out the positivity within them.
but enough about energy's.
I have only been back in suffolk for less than a week but so far I feel good. My life in winchester while as amazing and awesome as it was, was dragging on me a bit, with the hectic cannabis consumption I was sure I was falling into a psychotic hole, I mean I don't believe I'm losing my mind, moreover falling into a pattern that could become expensive and dangerous to my health. again as I've said in previous posts, I don't want to quit. Its not that I think I don't have the willpower, I simply just don't want to. I enjoy it and I feel I will continue to enjoy it for a while from now. Again however this is not the only reason behind such beliefs that the life is a little down.
I am in trouble with Halifax once more, ever since I fucked with them they have been draining me of every penny and this time is has become illegal, they continue to fine and charge me until it no longer represents the true value of what I owed them and now all I have to do is send a letter to them requesting my statements and once I have that I can then request they refund ALL the money they have taken of me, in this recession it might be quite hard to do so but I feel justified in my actions, I however don't seem to have the capacity to tell them this, its easier to not pick up the phone than it is to pick it up and threaten them with court action. I fear for the people at Battery Hill as I never changed my address and eventually Halifax will come looking for me. I know what I want to tell them and someday soon I will.
Meanwhile here in suffolk things seem to be in a delicate balance as far as the family is concerned. This time last year my younger sister lived at my mums still and things were getting quite hectic between them, then a couple of weeks later it all fell apart, my sister moved to my dads and both her and my older sister vowed never to return. My mum almost didn't seem to care, I figure her and My step-dad were just glad to be rid of the hassle. but then my younger sister slipped into depression and it all turned a bit horrid.
I love my family, I don't just have "The Love For My Family Is Infinite" in latin inked onto my stomach for no reason, I truly do but in alot of ways we all seem determined to tear the whole facade apart. Me and my older sister keep clear of most of it now, tucked away in our uni-towns miles from here to avoid the problems, its not healthy but its better for us. I hope my younger sister finds the same, I know deep inside that she would dig being at uni and having a group of close friends around her, like I do. but she doesn't really seem to want that and I respect this decision.
I should really spend more time with them, but the chaos is too much sometimes, right now there is a calm but its bound to spill over into a mess again. Again like I've said in previous posts I don't have much in the way of aggressive words so alot of my childhood was spent keeping quiet during arguments, now I just don't bother with the hassle. because I'm home so little I have a very prodigal son element to my visits which always makes them worthwhile and fun, moderation is the key and I split time between the two sides of my family in order to keep this balance.
Other than the family, my issues are now solely placed on being lonely, My ex has a boyfriend now and even though it is a rushed into affair that is bound to fall apart at some point, it doesn't help my loneliness, to be completely cliche I feel I might be this way forever. oh well something will work out eventually I guess
I've found that I've been ending all my posts with a quote and this one is no different, I have three cats in my family, Kurt and Courtney at my mums house (originally my sisters cats before she moved out) and Ginger at my dads house. Kurt and Courtney have a bad habit of clambering all over all kinds of furniture in my house in order to get attention.
Fran Liebowitz once said "No Animal should ever jump on the dining room furniture unless convinced that they can hold their own in the conversation."
True True
